My puppy ran away when I was kid and Mama told me to talk to my one of great aunts who is a faithful Christian because I was so upset. I couldn’t understand why God would take away that dog. My Aunt Lucille was very patient and indulging. My final question was, “Do you think he’s in heaven?” She hugged me so tight and it felt really good. I cried and cried my eyes out letting all of the sadness and anger just flow into her warm body. She hugged me until I let go. She explained that even though we may not like the way God works things out in our lives, we are still to trust Him.
Well, this weekend, I did not like what God had to say about the comings and the goings of this world. Our family lost a 45 year old life of the party. We all have our memories of her so I don’t feel special in my grief. I feel like we are all tied together like a huge grove of aspen trees which pulsate beneath the surface. Every one is going through the routine of their lives up top but below the surface, we are pulsating with heavy hearts and spirits.
My cousin and I met at a family reunion when we were about 10 or 11 years old. We had so much fun running around in Corsicana, Texas that when it was time to go we vowed to see each other again, soon! I have no idea who made it happen but I believe every summer for the next five or so years, we were together. We had some marvelous times. Although we grew apart over the years – just because life happens- we never stopped laughing when around each other. She was my Spades podnah (partner) like no other. And you couldn’t beat her clowning!!! Just as she had this past Saturday at a Family Skate party. So many things were different about that day!!! She took off work to come. She insisted her daughter and grandchildren attend. She skated. She was totally in and that had been a challenge for numerous reasons. See, we had been talking about the importance of family for the last month or so and how much I wanted her to participate in the monthly activities. I reminded her that we met at a family reunion and I wanted to know her grandkids like I knew her. We agreed that this generation had to shift gears and push it up a notch. So, Saturday turned out PERFECTLY!!!! We had four generations of family at the skating rinks – laughing, skating, eating, and having fun!
And within 24 hours, she was gone. Everyone was stunned. I went to sleep praying for relief from my heavy heart.
I awoke at midnight crying. I prayed.
I awoke at 2:00 a.m. angry and confused. I prayed again asking for relief.
I awoke at 3:30 a.m. giving up. Not wanting to get out of bed to go to the gym or get my day started. I prayed.
When I awakened at 5:30 a.m., my first thought, “God, your will has been done. You have spoken. I don’t like what you said. But because I trust you, I will get out of this bed and keep moving.”
The key word is TRUST when you are grieving. God has the final word. The struggle is real – is not cliche here. It is really real. We are just one day into this.
Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.