I Want 22 More…
In the 22 years that I have been married, I can count on one hand how many men have actually tried to “talk” to me. And this includes me walking around without a wedding ring for the last seven, or so, years (I lost it).
In my 20’s, I told a guy how much our household bills were and if he didn’t have the income to manage them, he needed to move on and stop disrespecting my marriage. He laughed it off and said he’d be willing to try. No harm intended and we both went our separate ways.
The last attempt made me think. The guy wasn’t as straight forward and he wasn’t direct. But something immediately popped in my head. You can’t give me what I want. You may be able to say nice things. You may be able to buy nice things. You may be attentive. You may even be romantic.
But there’s one thing you absolutely can not give me…22 more years. With every thing he MAY have had to offer, he could not give me 22 more years in a marriage. I want 22 plus more years with my husband who I have enjoyed, hated, loved, resented, treasured, dismissed, and kept dear to my heart. Not only have I had that with him but he’s had that with me. So, the best that any new guy can offer is DAY 1. I don’t want another first date, first kiss, first vacation, first home, or all those other things that happen in the beginning.
My husband and I were driving home one night and he asked me if I could go to any concert what artist or group would I choose. I flippantly said no one because I don’t like going to concerts. So after he changed it up a bit and said a private concert, I quickly joined in the exploration. Without a shadow of doubt, I chose Rachelle Ferrell. Well, he knows that about me but he hadn’t listened to her body of music as closely as me, so I played him a song, “Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This.” In 22 years of marriage, I had never shared that this one song tears me up because I think of us every single time.
So, now, it’s his turn. I expected him to say Sade or some R & B group. This man that I’ve known since I was 17 years old said, Phil Perry! Good thing I wasn’t driving because I would have swerved. Of course I’ve heard the singer but I hadn’t listened to his full body of work. So, once again, I head over to YouTube to continue our private concert on our ride home. We enjoyed going back and forth between Ms. Ferrell and Mr. Perry until we pulled into our driveway.
So, you see. No new guy can get my attention because it would take him too long for me to be surprised about something I just learned about him. Everything would be a surprise and I don’t have the time or the patience. I love the steadiness of our marriage and the occasional surprises that pop up.
Phil Perry, you’ve got to be kidding me. I surely would have lost a bet in a game of questions inquiring of my husband’s musical preference at this stage in his life. But what I won’t lose, is the blessing of a hard fought for marriage that is continuing to challenge and nurture us. I want 22 more and he wants 22 more because Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This.
Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This by Rachelle Ferrell and Will Downing